You'll notice Metal Gear has a shitload of armaments. This seems daunting, except he doesn't use any of them. His penis machinegun fires at you (no, really), and he occasionally fires missles. I didn't bother with Kessler this time around.

Notice, too, the game gets rid of all the display that shows your items and weapons and such. It takes a lot of processing power to render that giant... still image whose legs move in 2 frames of animation as it slides forward and back. Notice he fired a missle...

Uh oh! Make that two! Fortunately, his missles turn once and hit the wall. Dodge them and it's all good in the hood! The penis machine gun is all you have to contend with. Just throw grenades at his legs. It's really easy.

Hit him with enough grenades and Metroids suddenly come in to help out! Good job, you energy-sucking space jellyfish! I'm kidding of course. Kid Icarus is really the one who helps out.

Hit Metal Gear's legs with enough grenades and the whole thing starts blowing up, realistically. Congratulations! You just destroyed Metal Gear! Again! Grab a beer on me!

The room lights up, and there's a lot of flicker. But that flame graphic is actually on Solid Snake - the other guy is Fox.

BEST LINE OF THE GAME.

Hey, wait- how the- how the fuck did he get the cartridge? Didn't I just blow up the giant robot he was driving? Why the fuck am I on fire?

And Snake just stands there ON FIRE while Fox runs away.