Like your girlfriend in a fight with you, Snake throws things Big Boss said right back in your face. God, I hate that. Dammit, honey, I said I wanted to fuck your sister over THREE YEARS AGO! Can't we ever drop it?

I have to agree with Big Boss on this one. I don't care what kind of positive mental outlook you have in this life - do not take on a motherfucker with a machine gun UNARMED. It's just common sense, people.

FINALLY, the duel begins!

Unfortunately, since it's machine gun versus nothing, Snake very bravely begins the fight... by running away.

This "fight" takes place in a 2x3 rectangle, and consists mostly of running away from the Sean-Connery lookin' motherfucker with the machine gun. As you can see, Big Boss put some sulphuric acid puddles around for... well, there really wasn't any reason at all. Collect this B1 ration in the upper right corner so you can use the chocolate to break down the acid... ugh, this game's insane logic hurts my head.

And another ration in the upper right corner. Big Boss's bullets only reach the screen he's on, and he's forgotten all his CQC and camoflauge skills that he'd mastered in MGS3: Snake Eater. The Boss would have been so disappointed.

Enter this door to get ID 6! I'm going to warn you now - this card opens only one other door, and you're going to have to use this chain reaction of events to get FIVE OTHER CARDS.

This door leads to ID-1. Fortunately, Big Boss doesn't use this golden opportunity to simply corner you in a room and gun you down like a smart person would. Or really, just any person who wasn't sufficiently dumb.

Unfortunately, in my haste, I hit an acid puddle for the first time. Notice how Snake just sort of dissolves by sinking into the floor. Ew.